Suddenly, Saturday…

Somehow Saturdays have been sneaking up on me lately. I jot down notes and plan my posts, but as soon as Saturday hits I’m suddenly unprepared, disorganized and very sleepy. Today is no different!

I’ve been lazy with my daily drawing. I still draw in my sketchbook almost every day (and on the days that I don’t it’s because I’ve been drawing digitally instead) but it feels like I’m sidetracking and procrastinating instead of studying and improving. Might have something to do with this month’s subject matter (RedditGetsDrawn posts, even though I end up not posting most of them) or it might be the guilt, slowly chewing its way through me. Basically, whenever I’m not working on Boonka I feel I’m avoiding work on purpose. And since I’m able to dedicate only a few hours a day to my animation project, I’m feeling pretty guilty most of the day: Oh no, I’m sleeping instead of drawing the model sheet, watching a show instead of getting that background done… Oh the horror of drawing yet another “meh” portrait instead of working out the next keyframe!

Needless to say, this isn’t doing wonders to my general state of mind. There is also a bunch of non-art-related things going on in my life currently that isn’t helping matters either, and with everything combined I don’t feel in control of my own self anymore, which is frustrating and annoying at best.

This is, however, just a phase. It’s that time towards the end of the year where the new and seductive beginning is nearly within my grasp, so abandoning things and giving up feels somewhat justified, because I’m going to try so hard and do much better starting January 1st 2018… If only it worked that way. It’s so tempting to start things afresh next year – be a new, better, more productive me! And once the year starts but the magic doesn’t happen for some reason, I can always start to be better next month, next week.. tomorrow? With a pretty Bullet Journal spread and everything!

I’ve long learned that the way to go is to start right now. If anything, this gives me more time to plan and try out the pretty BuJo spreads with which I’ll fill my journal next year. I’ve got a lot of animating to do before December ends, and Boonka isn’t going to draw herself. Speaking of which, here’s this week’s Project Boonka episode:


2 thoughts on “Suddenly, Saturday…

  • OMG…so I can completely relate to what you’re saying. I am sorry you’re feeling this way…I don’t know how to help if there is anything. I hate to see you feel guilty about ART. I’ve been trying an approach where it’s like “I don’t give a damn if I get anything done or not” and I’ve been getting more done than ever! Reverse Psychology? People might think if we don’t have goals we won’t work towards anything or improve but sometimes when we’re too focused on a goal we rebel and avoid it. Human nature? I don’t know. I had the same thing happen with weight loss…when I was logging all my numbers and over focused on it I struggled (I think the stress of that was sabotaging my efforts). When I just lived my life to how I felt and did a general eat healthy thing and said f*** it I lost 40 pounds. WTF? I don’t understand it. Every body is different though and needs to figure out what works for them as an individual. I think the time frame is only a problem if you’re working for a studio or something and you HAVE to get it done because you’re on a deadline. Otherwise, it’s for pleasure. If it isn’t bringing you pleasure or you’re avoiding there must be a problem or you’re feeling pressured into doing it. I don’t know, sorry. I think you’re awesome Xenia! Your work is so inspiring! If it’s every day or once every 5 years you’re still an inspiration to me:-) In my opinion (if you care) it’s not about how MUCH you got done…it’s about the JOY you felt while creating. Improving etc. are just side benefits. My 2 cents and something I’m truly trying to follow myself. However you want to handle this is the right way though:-) I was just struggling with this myself not too long ago and I think it’s because I was pushing myself too hard…I hope you’re not doing that. You’re such a wonderful artist and person!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow Fluffie, thank you… I’ve had the reply window to your comment open for a few days now and I still don’t know what to say, other than it really means a lot to me to have you say that.


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